Saturday, March 12, 2016

You Ain't the Last Woman on Earth, Dingle-Berry

“Not Tomorrow Yet”: Episode the Eleventh

Brief recap: Jesus is no savior, but he is not as big of a deebag as once thought. Michonne and Rick are an item. Rick and Maggie consider merging with another group of survivors, but only if said group gives Alexandria half of all their supplies, including food.

Speaking of food, when did Carol get her own cooking show? The 11th episode opens with a jolly tune as Carol scours the pantry and the forest for tasty gourmet goodies. Water chestnuts? Snails? A female zombie wearing a nightgown interrupts her foray. Smackdown! Then, a recently showered Carol rummages through her clothes closet to find the perfect outfit. After donning her usual Lands End cardigan and khakis, she distributes big cookies to her neighbors. The beets make them sweet, and the acorns make them nutty. Kind of like Karol.

Rick’s Winnebago pulls up. He informs a puzzled Carol about the impending battle with Neegan’s people. Morgan sidles up with a broomstick. He wonders why she didn’t tattle about their knock-down drag out fight over the Wolf. After a disgusted Carol walks away, the camera pans to little Sam Anderson’s grave, he of the 1920s, quavering music. Carol has left one of her signature beet cookies in front of his marker. Awwwwww. He did enjoy her baked goods. I guess she felt bad about scaring him with her talk about monsters that would come to get him one day, which they in fact did.

Back at the Homeowner’s Association meeting, Rick shares news of Neegan. They also don’t have a lot of food. He wants to get everyone on board with the plan. Morgan is convinced, though he doesn’t want to kill anyone. He prefers talking first, naturally. His fellow townspeople are not convinced. Rick says, kool! We kill. All of them.

Carol updates a cryptic diary. Glenn and Maggie drink many cans of an unidentified beverage that could not possibly be alcohol; O’Douls, perchance? Carol enjoys a smoke. A man she shared her beet cookies with bums a puff. She’s ditched her June Cleaver attire and is wearing her usual bad-ass outfit of combat pants and long underwear shirt. He marvels at her strength, and also compliments her on her mad mom skillz. I have a feeling Carol is going to finally get some. The man leans in for a kiss, and she responds in kind. We are not privy to the presumably sweaty passion to follow.

The Ginge moves out of Rosita’s pad. He makes a lovely analogy with dingle-berries being brown before he points out that she is most def NOT the last woman on his horizon. Eugene shows up in her bedroom doorway munching on a burrito. Quite the ignominious break-up for Rosita. She was probably envisioning herself giving birth to Hispanic, red-headed babies in the near future. Huh; the autocorrect function in my Word program did not accept “dingleberries,” but “dingle-berries” was A-OK. Good to know!

Dr. Denise and GF Tara exchange tender words before Tara ships out with Team Rick. Hugs.  The informant from the Hilltop group is telling Rick and Co. what he knows about Neegan’s compound: How to get in? The enemy will let them in. Zombie Trojan horse. Rick in his Winnebago is followed by a phalanx of cars. Out steps Fr. Gabriel with a rifle slung across his shoulder. Rosita confronts Carol about not ratting Morgan out. Carol is chill; he doesn’t want to kill—so what? It’s pretty effed up that Maggie is fighting during her first trimester. I’m fairly certain that her OB-GYN has told her that fighting armed psychopaths is contraindicated during pregnancy.

Glenn is looking for a zombie head that kind of resembles the World’s Most Interesting Man (Gregory), because that is after all what Neegan wants: the Hilltop leader’s head on a platter. In the dark, this one might pass. Glenn tells his bespectacled comrade he’s nervous, right before he removes the zombie’s head.

Sounds like the group will have a lot of time to kill before the scheduled attack of the Saviors (Neegan’s colony, which seems to be comprised mostly of ex-members of motorcycle gangs) at midnight. Carol is disgusted that Maggie is even with them. Jesus surveys the three stand-in Gregory heads to select juuuuust the right one.

Neegan’s compound is bathed in red light. The Hilltop informant emerges from a car, bearing Gregory’s head in a paper bag as promised. The two guards inspect the head carefully. Andy the Informant looks like he’s gonna crap himself. They seem to have bought it. Guard one enters the building. Daryl slashes guard two’s neck. Guard one emerges with the Hilltop hostage they promised to exchange for the head. Slash, slash, Rick and Co. are in the compound.

What’s even more amazing than this daring heist is the fact that I am eating an entire bowl of Doritos in front of my Jack Russell terrier and he does not care. He’s sleeping. That, my friends, is impulse control. Either that, or he is just tired. Anyway, it is snooze city inside the compound. Glenn crouches down with a knife to start the king spree. He buries it in the guy’s head and…starts crying? What the hell, Glenn? These aren’t women and children, these are pissed off, subhuman men who keep Polaroids of their kills above their beds!

Fr. Gabriel confirms to Tara that yes, he is still a priest, a priest with a gun. Tara asks him for relationship advice. Boring! Not why we watch the show. Jesus pipes in from the backseat. Hey, she has a priest AND Jesus to consult. Pretty sweet.

The Ginge and his future GF Sasha fight a guy with ugly facial hair. Carol confronts Maggie in the woods. An alarm is blaring from Neegan’s compound. Maggie wants to help Glenn. Carol stands in her way, with a knife. Her inner mama lion flag is flying high.

Jesus covers his mouth and nose with a black bandana. Rick fires off his submachine gun. Neegan’s men are stabbed. More guns firing. The compound is a real snausage fest—not a woman to be seen. Glenn and his comrade lock themselves in a mini armory and shoot wildly at whomever is behind said door. When they open it up, there’s a pile of dead bodies. Jesus finishes off the lone survivor in the pile-up. Bad Jesus.

Fr. Gabriel trains his rifle at a 50-ish man lying on the ground. He can’t help but deliver a few choice bible quotes. He’s waiting too long. Nope, he manages to squeeze off a shot and finishes with an “Amen.”

It’s daytime. Neegan’s compound is quiet. Morgan is welding. The Winnebago drives away. Rick swaggers through the grass. A Savior tries to escape on a motorcycle, but Daryl shoots him and then pins him to the ground. A female voice comes over the walkie-talkie that fell out of the Savior’s pocket. She has Carol and Maggie. Is the mysterious voice a Savior? A rogue Hilltopian? Or just a stone-cold bitch? We shall have to wait until next week to find out.

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