Sunday, April 10, 2016

Negan is...Burt Reynolds? And Other Random Stuff That Pisses off the Internets

“Last Day on Earth”: Episode the 15th

To recap: Carol has left. Maggie may be having a miscarriage. And Daryl could be dead. The season finale opens with Morgan trudging through a field at dusk. He finds a horse, all saddled up. Then we see Carol’s living victim walking though a field, clutching her rosary and intent on revenge. Enid and Karl are arguing. Someone is running away from a bunch of humans armed with weapons. Rick and Co. prepare to head out in the Winnebago. Enid insists that Maggie needs a doctor as she tries to dissuade Karl from pursuing his own mini revenge plot. The bloodied “someone” is being kicked around and lectured by other humans. Again, totally unclear who any of these people are! Karl locks Enid in the closet because they’re not on the same page. Proper OB-GYN care is clearly not high on his list of priorities! Father Gabe updates Rick about weapon caches, defense strategies, etc. Even Spencer the no-goodnik pipes up, and Eugene confirms he’s up to the task of defending the complex.

The ONLY bright spot in this episode. Bask in all its cuteness.

 Morgan is riding the horse he found. He finds Carol napping against a building. He seems happy to see her. Carol may be in shock from her injuries. Meanwhile, unidentified mad humans have dragged bloodied man to the middle of a road to “make an example of him to the others.” So far, a most inauspicious and vague beginning to this final episode!

Rick’s Winnebago hurtles down the road at a disturbing speed. They are on their way to Hilltop to see Maggie’s OB-GYN. She is lying down, looking a bit sweaty. Not loving your new short haircut, Maggie. Morgan comes to Carol’s aid. She needs stitches and antibiotics. He shares his plan to get her back to Alexandria, but she turns him down.

The Ginge and Sasha are manning the Winnebago and are the first to see the human roadblocks (see above). Rick & Co. emerge from their spacious mobile quarters with their hands up. Rick proposes a deal. The lead mad human wants “all their stuff” and adds that he also wants to kill one of them. Nice. Another mad human sprays prone bloodied man with an aerosol can (?).  The bad guys refuse to budge. Then mad guy gets philosophical: What if it was your last day on earth? What if something untoward happened to one of your loved ones? Does not sound good. Ginge slowly backs up the Winnebago.

Unbeknownst to me, Karl is on the Winnebago. He’s having a convo with Aaron. Eugene is trying to figure out an alternate route to get Maggie to her doctor. Morgan and Carol are holed up in an office. She resents his assumption that she should return to the complex. Carol appears defeated. She says that she is tired of killing, and having people you love means having to kill for them. Morgan retorts that he doesn’t want to let Carol die, but Carol pulls out a gun and asks him to please leave. The man carries a broomstick, Carol. He is not afraid of a gun.

The Ginge spots a new danger whilst driving the camper. More angry humans! With cars. Rick’s “bring it on” attitude plays well with the others, in spite of the fact that they are shot at. The Winnebago turns the corner without issue to continue on its merry way.

Morgan leaves the safety of the office for the great outdoors. He hears walker snarling nearby. A poor soul who hung himself has turned and is now suspended. Morgan climbs up the scaffolding to put him out of his misery. He then looks for Carol, who has disappeared once more. Glad to see his horse is still well. Morgan takes off, leaving pissed off but oh so slowly moving walkers in his wake.

The Camper Crew ponders their next move. Unfortunately, they encounter yet another hindrance. Chained walkers. Clearly, bad humans devised this roadblock. Rick & Co. get out to survey the walkers. Is one Michonne? Is that Daryl?? Say it ain’t so. True, one of the zombies has dreadlocks a la Michonne, but surely this hairstyle is not THAT uncommon in the post-apocalyptic era?

Just as this sick realization is sinking in, the group is fired upon. They return fire as Rick goes to town killing the walkers. Then, the Winnebago takes off down the now-cleared road. I’ve just gone right off me Party Blend Chex Mix due to emotional turmoil.

Well, Rick looks like he wants to hurl. Back in the camper, new routes are explored. Maggie is running a high fever. The Ginge has more bad news from the wheel: Yet another human roadblock, this time lots and lots of mad humans. Morgan, meanwhile, trots along. He stops after spying Carol’s rosary on the asphalt next to a dead body. Carol, clad in her usual earth tones, is huffing her way through an industrial area. A walker is dumpster diving. She is overcome by a female walker and manages to fight her off with the usual ferocity. Before she can catch her breath, the older man she injured earlier pounces. He has a gun, but hers is beyond reach.

A charming fellow, he promises to kill her slowly so he can watch her die. He begins by shooting her in the arm. Um, Morgan, you and your tawny horse would be a most welcome sight right now! For all his pacifist shortcomings, Morgan is one of the most decent, compassionate human beings in TWD. If anyone can save the beleaguered Carol, it is he.

Maggie is gray. Rick is distraught, but still determined to get her to the Hilltop doctor. He comforts her. Somewhere else, Carol’s elderly tormentor continues to well, torment her. He fires off another shot, but Carol is in full repentant mode. She says that she probably deserves to die. He suddenly walks off. Carol heckles him, so he returns. Ah so! Morgan and his broomstick—er, actually he has a gun, which he proceeds to use (!) against said elderly attacker.

“It’s not your time,” he says to Carol soothingly. More humans arrive on the scene. Are they “bad”? The horse belonged to them. Yet, they are willing to help Carol, who has been shot twice.

The Ginge notes that Rick & Co. are totally, utterly screwed. Behind them a man is thrown from a bridge, wearing a noose fashioned from a thick chain. “The last day on earth” fellow has returned with a warning to leave. Everyone piles into the Winnebago and backs away from a conflagration in the middle of the road. This episode is about going nowhere. It reminds me of the mornings during my commute in which every frigging street I go down has either a garbage truck or a cherry picker blocking my way. Totally synonymous, folks: Crappy commute, post-apocalyptic terrorists.

Eugene points out that their foes EXPECT to see the camper. Perhaps they are considering another strategy? Eugene, in his characteristically oddball way, assures Rick that he has the situation under control. Another previously useless TWD character redeems himself. The Ginge acknowledges that Eugene was always a “survivor,” which prompts Eugene to give the ol’ redhead a great big hug. Sad violin music plays in a minor key, which leads one to believe that this may be Eugene’s last hurrah. Sniff. He assumes command of the Winnebago, but I think Rick & Co. have gone a different way. Eugene is the decoy.

A really grody walker stumbles through the darkness of the forest. Karl efficiently chops the top of his skull off, because teenagers dig this stuff. Rick & Co. hear that weird whistling echo through the woods. Is it Scraggles? More bad humans? They run as they carry Maggie on a stretcher. The whistling is from more than one person, a LOT of people, who encircle our intrepid but small group and shine floodlights on them. Neegan’s people exacting revenge, finally?

Meet Negan & Lucille (a bat). He likes: Rando violence. She likes: Long walks on the beach.

 A mustachioed fella wearing a green military style jacket who’d be perfectly at home in a 70s buddy comedy orders Rick to hand over his weapons. The group takes the weapons away. Mustachioed Man mocks Karl. He orders everyone down on their knees. A bloodied Eugene has already been captured. Even poor Maggie is forced off the stretcher. A commercial for AMC’s Better Call Saul cuts the unbearable tension. Followed by another Saul commercial.

Scraggles is here. He opens the back of a van. Daryl and Michonne emerge, messed up but alive. Glenn is there too, of course. Perhaps the mysterious Neegan will address everyone? An unshaven man wearing a tight black leather jacket steps out of one of the campers. He is Neegan, and he is mad. He confronts Rick calmly. Neegan outlines the “new world order” using his baseball bat. Basically, as we already knew, Neegan et al. are terrorists. “You have shit, you give it to me.” Simple as that. The Ginge’s hackles are visibly raised.

There’s no point in trying to oppose him, says Neegan. We own you and everything you acquire. Then, he mentions punishment. A good worker is not a dead one, so maybe that’s not in the picture, but Rick & Co. will not remain unscathed. Neegan promises to beat the crap out of one of them. All I can think about is how lucky young Enid is to be locked in a closet back in Alexandria.

Neegan threatens Maggie, which causes Glenn to lunge toward him, naturally. Rick’s eyes are about to pop out of his head. He has lost control of the situation and has no cards left to play. Neegan returns to Karl, whom he has picked on before. Neegan paces slowly as he considers whom to kill. He resorts to Eeny Miney Moe to select a victim. Pretty lame! He lands on…Karl? It’s unclear. He brings down his baseball bat (a.k.a. “Lucille”) wrapped in barbed wire again, and again, and again.  

Yep, pretty much sums it up.

 The internets are abuzz over this highly ambiguous ending. One man claims to have figured out that the victim is Glenn based on the configuration of the eeny miney moe game. Clearly, this individual has waaaaay too much free time on his hands, but his obsessive behavior has paid off for us. That about wraps it up for us until October. 

In the meantime, I will be documenting the misadventures of Ruben Blades the Mad Barber, crazed public school administrator mom, and Nick the unkempt heroin addict who has been forced on the wagon because his usual sources of heroin are now zombies. I’m talking about Fear the Walking Dead, which debuts tonight.



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