Friday, June 10, 2016

The End Is Nigh So Kill, Make Love, and Be Merry

Episode 6, Season 2: “Sicut Cervus

Sicut cervus is Latin, bitches. I looked it up. I have no idea how it relates to this week’s recap, except the opening scene has cute little Latino boys singing a sicut cervus (a Renaissance chorale they sing in church). A priest addresses his congregation in Spanish. He speaks of faith and doubt as everyone receives the sacrament (that’s a wafer and a sip of red wine—body and blood of Christ, for you heathens out there). The parishioners exit the church in a hurry. There’s a pile of guns outside. A man drives up to warn them about fighting back. Hey, he looks like Strand’s BF Thomas! The wafers were poisoned, so everyone drops dead, right after their eyes bleed. As usual, I’m totally confused. Is it just me? Sigh.

Travis chats with Chris. He confronts him about the rumors that Bieber wasn’t actually turning and that Chris shot him just for kicks. Mad Mom, Strand, and his Mexican henchman are arranging a deal with a speedboat approaching their boat. Mad Mom hustles everyone downstairs. Ruben translates the convo occurring above them. Some exchange of payment is being made. Angry Spanish words, then a volley of gunshots. When they reach Strand, Luis (henchman) is dead. Ruben goes on deck with his gun and stabs the dead in the head. Luis, though, is not dead. He gives Ruben a strange button to give to his mom, but Rubes tosses it overboard.

The weary crew makes it ashore. Is this Baja? A black dog munches on a pile of dead bodies as flies buzz around their heads. Not quite the idyllic hideaway that Strand described. Strand sees his boyfriend’s car. Turns out there are quite a few zombies. Even those cute little Mexican choirboys and a little girl with bows in her hair are now amongst the walking dead. The crew gets to stabbing. Ruben finishes off the priest, and then freezes when one of the altar boys tries to bite him. He had a flashback from his days as a contra, or a contranista, whatever he was back in the Old Country. Yeah, he’s killed his share of little boys! Luckily, Ofelia steps in. Chris watches as Mad Mom is nearly overcome by an angry walker—is he turned on by death, or what?—but Alicia rescues her at the last second. Nick is bummed; I think he had to kill one of the cute little girls.
Ruben and Celia refuse to play nice.
They pile in back of the pickup truck. The gates open and it’s a new world. A beautiful hacienda beckons. Fields surround the house, maybe vineyards? They walk through a garden of succulents. Luis’ mom finds out her son was killed by the military. Women in white uniforms greet the newcomers. They have to turn in their weapons. Ruben balks, and says not so fast. She refuses to let him in with the arms and hands over a knife, then another pointy implement. She lets him in. But we know that Ruben is hiding a gun up his butt! It’s what he does. Strand finds Thomas, who has been bitten. They put a bandage on it, but that will not help things any. Strand offers to “help him into bed,” which is guy code for “let’s have sex one more time.”

"I'll slide it in quietly."
Alicia is lounging on a leather sofa and watching…TV? Chris waltzes in. Alicia accuses him of letting Mad Mom get attacked. He denies it, but warns her not to tell anyone. Huh? He froze, that’s all. Psychopathic. Luis’ mother chops cilantro. Nick enters the kitchen and tries to introduce himself in Spanish. “Scusi?” Oy vey. Nick lived in Los Angeles his entire life, yet he learned no Spanish. He’s hungry. Nick brings up Luis’ last moments on the boat. He, unlike Chris, is tired of “all the killing.” She reassures him that the dead were always here, but now we can see them. It’s like Day of the Dead, but a lot more real. Mad Mom walks in, pissed off of course. My son is vulnerable; back off, Luis’ mom!

Then she brings a tray of food for Strand and Thomas, who will need to get stabbed in the head fairly soon. Thomas asks Mad Mom Madison to take care of Strand after his death. Ofelia looks for her Papa Ruben, who is sitting on the edge of a bed with a vacant look in his eyes. He’s not hungry.

Alicia is still watching Elvis movies on the TV. Mad Mom finds her all cozy on the couch. Cut to Mad Mom yelling at Travis about Chris. She fills him in on Chris watching her get attacked. Travis is too busy sailing on a body of water known as de-Nile. Chris needs help. They yell at each other. Chris is probably pressing his ear to the door right now. I know! Let’s take Chris to a psychiatrist. Baja is probably lousy with them.

Strand, meanwhile, is keeping vigil at Thomas’ bedside. His boyfriend does not look well: sweaty and rashy. Strand suggests that they can be gay zombies together. Celia, Luis’ mom, can be their caretaker. Sounds like a plan that everyone can get behind.

In the darkness, Ruben sees a little boy drop a live dog down a chute. Sounds like someone had Strand’s bright idea already!

Ofelia and Nick hang out by the candle-lit memorial shrine. She talks to her deceased mother, while Nick flashes back to season one, episode one, when he discovered a group of half-eaten heroin addicts in an abandoned church.

Ruben follows a little boy. He’s talking to someone who doesn’t answer. It’s his mommy, who just happens to be…behind a secure gate with lots and lots of other walkers. Ruben finds Celia: What gives? She says she knew them, felt sorry for them, and is giving them shelter. She happens to be whipping up some sacrament wafers; Ruben deduces that she is the one who poisoned the churchgoers. Baaah! She tells Rubes that he’s the one with the hang-up about the dead. But for whom are these wafers intended?

Celia is singing to Thomas and applying cool compresses to his head. Strand admires the song, which sounds like a children’s Spanish lullaby. Turns out Celia raised Thomas. The poisoned wafer is for Strand, who as you recall wants to be with Thomas for-evah. This makes little sense, because there’s no such thing as zombie pals, let alone zombie gay lovers.

Nick reconnects with Celia again to talk about the Big Issues. Walkers aren’t really dead, she tells him, “they are what comes next,” which would be a very interesting philosophical observation if walkers weren’t so darn intent on chomping on anything and anyone with a pulse.

The poisoned wafer beckons to Strand. Mad Mom arises in the middle of the night. Strand locks Thomas’ bedroom door. Chris stands over Alicia’s bed as she sleeps with Mad Mom. They both wake up and tell him to scram. A shot rings out: Strand could not go through with it and has shot Thomas in the head.

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