Jesus Makes a Surprise Post-Apocalyptic Visit

“The New World”: Episode the Ninth

A new day is dawning in Alexandria. Which can mean only one thing: Time to blast 70s music. Michonne looks quite domestic in a terrycloth robe and her wet hair wrapped in a towel. Rick is playing with baby Judith, whilst Karl is sharpening his visual acuity (he was shot in the eye last week by pasty teenager Ron) by playing handball inside the house. Quick recap: Rick is down a girlfriend; Ron and Sam are also dead; and many, many zombies have been killed.

Daryl is planning to go on a supply run. The psych Denise is giving him a list. Eugene has agricultural needs: sorghum! Daryl and Rick drive off, no doubt with visions of sorghum, whatever that is, dancing in their head.

Perhaps they’ll run into some non-crazy, non-psychopathic humans on their trip? Daryl rides shotgun, so Rick gets to choose the music. Daryl is no fan of honky tonk bluesy crap, and guess what? Neither are we, Rick. Neither are we.

Maggie approaches Enid. Where the heck you been? I must say Maggie has lost her pregnancy glow. She’s looking kind of drab, washed out. Being stuck on a scaffold that’s being shaken by the walking dead will do that to you. She offers a sympathetic ear to Enid, who has pretty much retreated into pensive diary writing and deep examination of her bellybutton.

Rick & Daryl come across a warehouse labeled “SORGHUM.” It seems to be filled with other stuff, but it’s dark and I can’t tell what’s in there. They drive a large white truck to a gas station. The only background noise is a lot of southern bugs. They hitch the truck to a junky vending machine, when suddenly a long-haired hippie wearing a scarf as a mask ambushes them. He doesn’t have a gun or any other weapon, but Daryl & Rick draw their guns on him quickly. Damn hippies! Or is it a hipster?

The hipster has a story about being chased by walkers. R & D are understandably skeptical. They let hipster go, but before he leaves quick intros are exchanged. His friends used to call him “Jesus,” which isn’t disturbing at all. His hair and beard are awfully klean and kempt for the New World, as Rick astutely observes. “Jesus” has swiped their keys and taken off in the white truck. “Sorry!” he yells apologetically as he drives away. Jesus, it turns out, is a douchebag.

Would you trust this man? Yes, if he was a waiter in a vegan restaurant.

The dead mayor’s shiftless son is wandering the woods with a shovel strapped to his back. Michonne has followed him and offers to come with.

Karl with a K is enjoying a stroll with Enid through the woods. Enid is a little complainey about the whole thing. Totally unlike her to whine.

Rick and Daryl are running down a road, looking awful sweaty. They stop for a “pop” from the vending machine that has been left at the side of the road.

Enid and Karl, who is armed with a gun, see Michonne and Spencer from a short distance. Karl resumes reading his girlie magazine. Enid says she doesn’t want to come out here anymore. She’s not whining, just sad. A zombie ambles close by, and Karl wants to kill it. Or does he? Enid is the one who wants to kill the thing, but Karl says no. Huh?

Back to Rick and Daryl running down the road, presumably tracking Jesus. Uh oh, our Lord and Savior has a flat tire? Rick surprises him. However, Jesus knows martial arts. A struggle ensues. Jesus is flat on his back, but still negotiating with Rick and Daryl as they point their guns on him. They tie him up and leave him by the side of the road. Back in the truck with their supplies, Daryl flips Jesus the bird.

Daryl’s blood sugar must be running low, cause he’s gorging himself on chocolate candy bars. Someone is on the roof of the truck. Hey, it’s the Son of God! Wearing a black leather trench coat and watchman’s cap. A bunch of really old walkers slowly, slowly approach. Jesus saves—Daryl, that is. He shoots a walker about to grab Daryl. Someone forgot to engage the emergency brake, and the truck rolls into the river. Jesus is out cold but breathing. The truck and the precious supplies sink. Rick feels sorry for Jesus and they move him to higher ground.

Spencer, the errant son of the expired mayor, is still walking with Michonne. They see Karl dart by, and then—guess who? The zombified Mayor herself, who appears as dessicated as ever, a bit greener around the gills, and generally quite nasty. I suppose that’s why Karl didn’t want to kill her. Spencer draws his knife. Can he do it? Michonne holds the Mayor. He buries his knife in the back of her skull. Yes, he is sad. Holds mom in his arms for a bit. All in all, a model of compassionate killing.

The Mayor finally gets a proper burial. Michonne reassures Spencer that because he loved his family, he “knows his way,” although he’s feeling fairly lost right now. Who would have thought that Michonne could have ever abandoned her cold exterior to embrace her former self, someone who genuinely cares about other people and is not afraid to express it?

Daryl, Rick, and Jesus are in a truck. Not the one in the creek, of course, but one just as good. Jesus keeps tipping over onto Daryl’s shoulder. He’s still a little out of it. They are bringing him back to Alexandria.

Michonne admonishes Karl for not killing or leaving the Mayor, the only two sensible choices. He thought that a member of her family should have done it, not little old him. Michonne embraces Karl after he tells her he’d do it for her if she ever got zombified. Awww. Touching.

Road trip in the dark…with Jesus! Christ, this episode is tedious. Acquainting myself with the interior of moving vehicles is NOT why I watch this show. Something scary better happen soon. Jesus is still out, or so it seems. They reach the gate and signal to be let in. Creeeeeeek. The door goes up. They bring Jesus to Denise for a quick physical examination. When he wakes up, they may have a better idea of who he really is and what his intentions might be.

Michonne sits down next to Rick, who is sitting slumped on a real cozy couch. Is that a VIDEO BABY MONITOR she’s holding??? What the hell. I’ve never lived through a zombie apocalypse and I have never had such a luxury. Rick tells her about Jesus. What a wacky day I’ve had, Michonne! How about you? Michonne doesn’t mention the Mayor. Rick presents her with a present; breath mints. Michonne and Rick are now holding hands. They move in towards each other for a kiss. This was inevitable, eh? They definitely have a lot in common, and they are both highly attractive. Are they going to DO IT right on the sofa? No. Time lapse! They have moved to a mattress, but whilst they are sleeping, a voice in the darkness awakens them. It’s the voice of God—his son, to be exact. “We should talk.”

NOTE FOR INTERESTED READERS & VIEWERS: Fear the Walking Dead will be returning soon to AMC! I will be resuming my blogging about this spinoff, while I simultaneously blog about the original show that started it all. At the risk of developing carpal tunnel syndrome, I will be double-blogging it, as it were. This daring feat has been attempted by only a handful of the most intrepid bloggers. I hope to join their ranks. Thank you!