CAR CRY Like a Boss

Since the onset of menopause during the past year, I've suffered few symptoms. One I've enjoyed: hot flushes. The language describing this phenomenon has shifted from hot "flashes" because this oft used terminology does not accurately describe the sometimes prolonged elevation of internal heat and warmth that arises from deep within to the skin's surface resulting in enhanced vascularization. Sometimes it happens unexpectedly: during strenuous physical effort, for example, such as sexual activity. When people display intense emotions, my body now often reacts with the now familiar heat that starts in my chest and seeps into my neck and face. The momentary arousal of my sympathetic nervous system signals I am either embarrassed, turned on, or simply well vascularized--keep 'em guessing!

Another menopausal feature (for me) is the car cry, which has become so frequent I gather napkins from restaurants to shove in my glove compartment "just in case." My car is my emotional sanctuary. I curse at the slow and the reckless, weep, sob, and have entire conversational exchanges with myself, usually at the same time. Sometimes I make myself laugh at my emotional lability, and if not, these expansive self-talks usually conclude with "You're an unlovable loser." Below you will find my "car cry" playlist of the moment:

  • "You Were Always on My Mind" (Willie Nelson)
  • "Will You Love Me Tomorrow? (Carole King)
  • "If You Could Read My Mind" (Gordon Lightfoot)
  • "Perfect Day" (piano Komorebi Version, from the 2023 Wim Wenders film Perfect Days)
  • "You Light Up My Life" (Debby Boone)
  • "Clair de Lune" (Claude Debussy)
  • "(They Long to Be) Close to You" (Carpenters)
Most of these songs are melancholy in tone. They resonate with the loss of connection, love, and intimacy, which are not confined to romantic attachment. You Light Up My Life, for example, is about embracing Jesus, not a mysterious, crooning male lover who makes midnight visitations to her bedroom. Formerly "alone in the dark" and "adrift on the water," she accepts illumination. Light reveals a physical and spiritual path to follow--if you choose to.

Recently I paid to have my car detailed. He did an amazing job.

ME: How long do you think it will take?

CAR MAESTRO: [eyeing matted dog fur, human hair, and wads of chewing gum] I'd say at least two hours. 

ME: Wow! My mechanic recommended you. Totally worth it.

CAR MAESTRO: [running his hands over multiple stains on the driver's seat] What's all this? You spill something? I can try to get these out but honestly I'm not sure.

ME: Oh, those are old tears.

CAR MAESTRO: Wow you hardcore.  

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