A Testicle for Your Thoughts?

“Twice as Far”: Episode the 13th

Recap time: Everyone is safe for now. The Ginge has his sights set on a new GF, namely Sasha. Carol is doing some soul searching regarding her psychopathic nature. Maggie, hopefully, is no longer able to taunt us moms by sporting her skinny jeans due to her expanding belly. Episode 13 opens with jars of preserved fruit. It’s always about FOOD with these people! Two weeks ago, Carol was foraging in the woods for cookie ingredients. Now, we must endure lingering, borderline pornographic shots of the pantry.

By all appearances, life in Alexandria has returned to normal. I see Morgan, practicing Karate Kid moves with his broomstick. Eugene seems quite comfortable holding a semi-automatic. But, what’s this? Morgan behind bars? A repeat of the idyllic scenes I just witnessed? TWD is messing with our heads. Carol gets kissed by her favorite cookie lover. Rosita dons her tight jacket, and has found a new bed partner! It’s Spencer, the Mayor’s worthless—but apparently sexy—son. Carol and Daryl sit together on the stairs to chat. Daryl wants to know what the Survivors who kidnapped Carol and Maggie did to them. Nothing, Karol replies kryptically, and walks away.

The loop resumes, but with a few differences. Carol is chain smoking and playing with her rosary. Thank you for that headache-inducing introduction, TWD film editors.

Spencer invites Rosita to a one-person potluck, but she’s not into it. Beef stroganoff! Denise the MD spotted a possible drugstore. She wants to tag along with Rosita and Daryl on a supply run. Must be feeling her oats after hanging out with the Wolf and operating on Karl’s krazy eye. Daryl’s driving stick, with which he’s not familiar. Lots of lurching. Denise provides helpful hints. A fallen tree branch is blocking the road, so Daryl and Rosita get out of the truck to investigate, leaving Denise in the truck. Daryl claims it will be faster to walk. They split up and follow the train tracks. The MD tags along with Daryl. Rosita is solo. When they reach the strip mall, Daryl knocks on the doors: Anyone home? Perhaps a few customers are browsing the shelves for hemorrhoid cream or some much-needed maxi pads, Daryl?

The Ginge & Eugene are scouting a possible location for ammunition production. Eugene calls “dibs” on an armored walker that ambles by. He fails. The Ginge intervenes, but Eugene asserts that he doesn’t need the Ginge to protect him anymore. Ginge leaves without him, because, hey, Eugene wants to spread his wings and flyyyyy! Instead of getting all sentimental about the baby bird leaving the nest, Ginge is disgusted.

Back at the “apothecary,” which appears to be more of a knick-knack store, the intrepid trio browses around in the darkness with their flashlights. There is an actual pharmacy section. Daryl and Rosita jimmy it open. However, something spooky this way comes. A faint but persistent knocking is on the other side of the wall. Denise approaches the source slowly, but is she ready to kill? Beyond the wall she finds an empty baby’s bassinet, assorted boxes, and a female zombie splayed on the floor with its leg in a partial cast. Did I mention the sink filled with fetid blood? Something did not go well back here. Horrified, Denise leaves in a hurry. She waits for the others, crying.

Daryl gives Denise a solid for locating the pharmacy, but Rosita notes that the MD is not ready for zombie prime time. Denise shares with Daryl that she had a twin named Dennis. She remembers him as “angry and dangerous.” The three of them walk back along the train tracks as the sun sets. Abandoned cars litter the periphery. Denise steps away from the others to peer into one of the cars. Why would you do that, Denise? There’s a very angry walker trapped inside. Evidently she sees a cooler inside that the MD thinks MIGHT have an item of use inside. Ignoring Daryl’s instructions to skip it, Denise opens the car door, the walker falls on top of her (naturally), and the others hear the kerfuffle. They reach her in time, but she insists on doing it herself. Well played, Denise! Then, she barfs. The cooler contains a six-pack of soda. Score! Totally worth it.

Daryl is pissed. Rosita calls her stupid. What is Denise trying to prove? She launches into a lengthy, psychobabble explanation of why she behaved like a complete idiot. Just as I fight the feeling to jump into the episode and poke her with something sharp, Denise gets an arrow right through her eyeball. O, sweet irony! It’s as if someone in the show knew how irritated I was. I certainly was not hoping the community’s only physician would get knocked off; I simply wanted her to be quiet.

Alexandria is officially down one lesbian doctor. 

 Rosita and Daryl are surrounded by a group of armed men. The one roughly holding Eugene is the same scraggly piece of crap that Daryl could have killed a while back, the young man who was traveling with waif-like diabetic girl and other non-descript chick. He dares Daryl to say something now. Daryl is silent, per usual. But he knows he should have killed Scraggles when he had the chance. The Ginge is lurking in the background, unseen. Scraggles real name is “Dwight,” but I prefer my moniker. I think he may have used Daryl’s crossbow to kill Denise.

Scraggles and Co. want to go to Alexandria, take whatever and whomever they please, and then leave. I have a feeling his plan does not involve leaving any survivors behind. Eugene pipes up to offer the Ginge in his stead. He reveals the Ginge’s hiding location. Really dumb or really smart. The Ginge has disappeared, it seems. Smart! As Scraggles turns his head to see the Ginge, Eugene bites him right in the balls. Or right in the penis. In either case, a highly uncomfortable situation for Scraggles. Good show, Eugene! A bit of levity lightens the tension.

So close, so tempting! A testicular taste sensation awaits.

 Ginge mows down a few; Eugene’s jaws continue their pit bull-like grip on Scraggles, who is immobilized; and Daryl and Rosita hold their own against walkers and human bad guys alike. Scraggles escapes—slightly less fertile—with several of his compatriots. Eugene is shot in his side. Rosita tries to staunch the bleeding. Daryl and the Ginge carry Eugene off. Denise is still very dead. One has to wonder if all this would have occurred had the MD not been so determined to prove her mettle.

Eugene is back in Alexandria. He’s alive, but poorly. He notes that his ostensible betrayal was strategic, lest the Ginge thinks that Eugene was giving up his location in a mean spirited way. Understood, affirms Ginge. He marvels at Eugene’s dick-chomping abilities.

Daryl and Carol wordlessly bury Denise on the grounds of the housing complex. Carol sez, yeah, you prolly should have killed Scraggles when you had the chance. Carol’s new boyfriend gets a Dear John note. She provides an alternative to the “it’s not you, it’s me” explanation: instead, she writes that there will always be another threat to our survival. She writes that she can’t love anyone, so she’s leaving. Morgan gazes in the direction of Carol’s swinging, empty porch swing. She has also left an ashtray filled to the brim with cigarette butts.

Will Carol be back? Where is she going? Is there a Lands End outlet in the vicinity? Many questions, but only one answer remains. Carol has collapsed under the weighty responsibility of being a killing machine. It may not come as naturally to her as one would think. Next week: the season starts to wrap up. Luckily, fans of the franchise will not be left hungry for long, because the spinoff Fear the Walking Dead will soon return, and you can read my meticulous updates here.