Carol Departs in a Puff of Menthol-Infused, Secondhand Smoke

“East”: Episode the 14th

Carol is gone. “Don’t come after me please,” she wrote, which, in Karolspeak, really means, leave me the eff alone. Remember when Rick exiled her before after she handily disposed of a couple of hemorrhagic-flu stricken prison dwellers? She left, and survived. Carol may be a psychopath, but she’s our psychopath. Plus, she’s a swell baker, great with kids, and has an endless supply of cigarettes.

Love, however fleeting, comes for Carol.

We watch Carol as she prepares to leave Alexandria. As she slides her travel pack under the bed, her new boyfriend calls out, looking for her. He starts blabbing about Denise, but we can’t hear him because Carol is totally tuning him out. Wah wah wah, wah wah wah Denise wah wah. Johnny Cash starts crooning. Carol slips out. Day breaks. Karl massages a handgun. Glenn and Maggie are enjoying a hot shower—together! Ew. They may be in the mood, but I am not. Daryl sits astride his motorcycle. Sasha and the Ginge bask in sexual tension. Rick and Michonne are spooning and sharing an apple. Ugh! When is something going to go horribly wrong and make me happy!

Rick wants to get some, but Michonne reminds him that they are on a tight schedule. He is content. We got apples! Life is good. We have stuff to hang on to. Like guns—a lot of them. Daryl is on a mission. Glenn, Maggie and Michonne climb into a van to stop him. He seeks revenge for Denise’s untimely death by crossbow. If he had killed Scraggles back in the burnt forest, she might be alive.

Rick and Co. have realized that Karol krept off into the night in a car, right under Sasha’s watchful eye. Krafty Karol. Her automobile is outfitted with pointy broomsticks to keep away pesky walkers. A passing truck carrying a few guys with guns (Survivors? Saviors? It’s getting harder to keep track of the different groups) fires on her. Her tires blow. She’s playing it meek. Hey, it worked before, with the second, evil ginger.

The shooters have a spokesman. He wants to know who Carol is, where is she going, etc. They know about Alexandria. Perhaps they could take Carol back there with them to gain easy entry? She starts to whimper. Nobody has to get hurt, she cries. Carol then mows them down with a gun she was concealing in her voluminous sleeve. One attacker, however, is unhurt. He comes at her, but she manages to impale him on a pointy wooden spike—they’re not just for walkers anymore! One attacker is still alive. He tries to ambush Carol, who promptly shoots him. Carol can take care of herself.

Speak softly and conceal a powerful firearm.

Maggie is already dirty, and it’s not even noon. Guess that shower was for naught. Morgan and Rick are driving around looking for Carol. One would think that Morgan is not a fan of Carol. She did grow on him, though. All the good times they’ve shared, like when she held a gun to his head. Meanwhile, Carol’s oldest attacker is still alive. He seems wounded, but ambulatory. Carol is nowhere to be seen.

Rick and Morgan find the truck and dead deebags. Her car is still there. Morgan braces himself for impending trouble with…his broomstick. They stumble upon a zombified attacker, but no Carol. Rick is impressed with Carol’s survival skills, while Morgan tracks the blood trail that leads away from the carnage. Elderly attacker finds Carol’s rosary. He walks purposefully off into the field, presumably with revenge on his mind.

In the meantime, Rosita, Glenn and Michonne are hot on Daryl’s trail. Rosita is inclined to let the revenge play out, whereas Glenn thinks it’s just stupid; Daryl could die for nothing. After finding Daryl, who is armed with his crossbow, Glenn lectures him about keeping a cool head. Michonne promises they will exact revenge, but not here. Rosita joins Team Daryl, whilst Glenn and Michonne go the other way. Glenn stops in the forest to ruminate aloud. Of course, they realize that they are surrounded by men with guns, and…Scraggles is baaack! One can assume that he is none too happy about the recent mishap involving his penis.

Rick and Morgan are still sniffing out Carol through endless fields. Instead, they find a fresh walker. Then, a farmhouse littered with a few dead bodies. A man, a human, is killing someone with a pointy stick. He flees after exchanging a few words with the men, and a bunch of walkers come on the scene. Rick IDs him as a Hilltop by the spear that he left. Morgan comes clean about his making nicey-nicey with a Wolf. He’s proud of the fact that he let the Wolf live. Rick did not know about this. Morgan recounts that the Wolf saved Denise from zombies after he terrorized her, so in the end it was all cool, right? Morgan tells Rick to go home; he’ll find Carol. Rick gives him a gun, just in case the broomstick doesn’t prove adequate.

Maggie gets a haircut as Enid watches. Suddenly, Maggie doubles over in pain. Her husband and Michonne are captured. Daryl and Rosita are just about to save them when Scraggles and Co. approach them from behind. Someone gets shot, but it is unclear whom. Daryl?