Introducing...PHARMACEUTICA



Ever wonder what it's like to work at a chain pharmacy? Want to see how the sausage is made? No trade secrets will be herein revealed, but I can provide a periodic taste of life behind the counter. Behold the first installment of...PHARMACEUTICA!

The set-up: Unfortunately, customers (patients) are permitted to buy non-pharmacy items when they pick up their medications, which slows the line and ties up pharmacy technicians' (techs) scarce time.

Pharmacy techs assist the pharmacist(s) in many key ways (more about these later).




PLEASE DON’T ARGUE ABOUT THE DAMN COUPONS

An older adult pushing a shopping cart can signal one of two things: she will either be very sweet or very crotchety. It’s a crapshoot:

SHOPPING CART: I’d like to pick up my medicine.

ME: Sure (takes info and retrieves meds)

SHOPPING CART: I also have a few things to buy [starts unloading multiple contents in cart onto counter and hands over several crumpled coupons]

ME: OK…

SHOPPING CART: Wait a minute, that gum is on sale.

ME: Well, it didn’t come up on the register.

SHOPPING CART: Then I’ll just buy one pack.

ME: Sure.

SHOPPING CART: And I don’t want the enema either. Take it off.

ME: OK…

SHOPPING CART: This is taking too long! I don’t want any of it. [throwing up her hands]

ME: [brightly but seething internally] Just the medications, then? [trying to recall how to void selected items as my fingers fly randomly across the register's touchscreen]

SHOPPING CART: [closely examining her printed receipt] Why didn’t my 35% coupon apply?

ME: Hmm, not sure. [handing back the coupon that didn’t scan] Save it for more enemas next time [sweetly].

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting to Know Mother Russia, Then and Now

Image
I majored in Russian Language and Literature at the University of Pennsylvania back when Perestroika had paved the way for an economic rebirth and a feeling of friendship. After Mr. Gorbachev had “torn down” tangibly oppressive walls, he also opened the floodgates for idealistic young Americans to master Russian language and culture. I'm not sure how I intended to actually APPLY my degree. At one point, I fantasized about the romantic life of a career diplomat. Working for a profitable American company that needed Russian-speaking employees to forge further economic ties also seemed possible. As it turns out, my degree was good for two things. Our childhood conception of Russians. First, I fell in love with Russian literature. Russian poetry is a bit too hand-wringingly dramatic (too much beating of the breast) for my tastes, but Dostoevsky and Tolstoy so perfectly capture the nuances of not just the Russian spirit but the universality of the human condition. The secon...
Read more

Beth Takes Her First Drink and We All Yawn

Image
“Still” Beth and Daryl do a lot of running away from walkers, A LOT. This is quite the tenses, as the  infamous fake O.J. observer said way back in 1994 to a thoroughly befuddled Peter Jennings. The duo decides to hide out in the trunk of a defunct car as walkers swarm the area. After scavenging the car for useful stuff, they leave. Huh. Not much to say about that except maybe, “I see Beth, and she look scared!” in the words of the aforementioned OJ observer impersonator. I do hope that most of my readers were either old enough to vote, drink, or engage in carnal relations when O.J. Simpson murdered his ex-wife and her friend Ron Goldman back in 1994. Otherwise, this brilliant reference will be sadly lost upon you unless you Google it! Back to Beth and Daryl in the forest. One day, Daryl realizes, he’s going to lose all of his crossbow arrows. One of them has snapped in two. Shouldn’t he have a bigger beard by now? If my calculations are correct, he should resemble ...
Read more

Pharmaceutica: HEROES GIVE HAPPY ENDINGS

OLDER MAN AT PHARMACY COUNTER: $1,286?!! For Viagra? TECH AT CASHIER: [shrugging] I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance just won’t cover it.  OLDER MAN: What does a guy have to do around here to get a boner?  [scene freezes and pharmacy goes dark except for a spotlight on SPOKESMAN] SPOKESMAN [wearing a dark suit, white button down shirt, and tie, steps out of darkness] Has this ever happened to you ? [points to camera, breaking the fourth wall] TECH: Step right down here, sir! [TECH sprints breathlessly from the front register to consult window] OLDER MAN: [desperately but hopefully following TECH] Isn’t there anything you can do? SPOKESMAN [standing behind TECH]: There sure is. A couple strokes on the keyboard [winks at camera with a half smile] is all it takes. OLDER MAN: Sounds good to me. What’s not to like? SPOKESMAN: Edit, scan, apply coupon– TECH: [tapping furiously away at keyboard] SPOKESMAN: Now enter enter enter, and voila! TECH: That’ll be $23.47. OLDER MAN: [astoni...
Read more