Pharmaceutica: THERE IS NO GERTRUDE HERE

The phone is always ringing with multiple calls with many different questions: Can I refill a medication? When will my Mounjaro/Zepbound/Wegovy/Ozempic be back in stock (highly popular weight loss injectable medications originally intended for type 2 diabetics)? Can you add a banana allergy to my profile? Phone calls will either be incredibly complicated or blissfully simple ("No, we don't have any Adderall extended-release!"). You need to learn the art of cutting someone off nicely. The olds in particular tend to ramble on and on about issues only tangentially related to their medications and more about the inherent injustices of Medicare.

ME: OK! The refill went through. What time did you want to pick it up?

CALLER: I’ll come in tomorrow. Thanks so much for your help. What’s your name?

ME: Gertrude.

CALLER: Thank you so much, Gertrude.

I use a fake name when I’m not sure things will work out well for this patient. That way, when they call later to complain to the pharmacist, she will tell them there is no Gertrude working at this store. This is harder to do in person, as the disgruntled person can point to you (“The one with the ponytail told me it would be ready in an hour!”) Also, if you choose to throw one of your co-workers under the bus, give the caller their name.